In the quiet moments when the world is asleep and the house is still, I find myself reflecting on the unseen battles that come with being a motherless mother. It’s a journey that’s often lonely, marked by silent struggles and bittersweet victories. I was just a child myself when I lost my mother unexpectedly at the age of 9; and here I am raising 3 little children without her. This year marks 24 years without her. This year marks 5 years of being a motherless mother. Little did I know that her absence would carry a shadow over my own journey into motherhood, shaping my experiences in deep and unexpected ways.
Being a mom without my own mom has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I often find myself longing for her presence. I face situations where I don’t have my mom to turn to for advice or help. There are countless firsts and lasts, both big and small, where her absence is deeply felt. In the happiest times and the difficult ones, I wish I had my own mom to lean on, a shoulder to cry on, or a doorstep to show up at, unannounced.
I notice the relationships I don’t have and the moments I’ve lost out on. I see others sharing special bonds with their moms, and sometimes, I can’t help but feel a bit of jealousy. I ache for the childhood I never got with my mom and the adult relationship I’ll never get to experience. Even more, I ache for the connection my children could have had with their grandma, a relationship that remains a mystery to us all.
The love of parents should never be questioned, and I never want my children to experience the void I have felt. I worry about giving them everything they need, being enough, and doing it right. It’s a struggle that goes beyond the sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, endless diaper changes—it’s a battle within my own mind, a battle to provide the love and security my children deserve, despite the absence of the one person who was suppose to show me how.
Yet, in the midst of these struggles, I find strength. While I may never fully bridge the void left by my mother’s absence, I am learning to embrace the love that surrounds me, especially in the eyes of my own children. They are my biggest blessing, reminding me that love is powerful—it can heal us, help us grow, and create a lasting legacy that goes beyond words. For that, I am truly thankful.
To others like me, I want you to know that you’re incredibly strong. Your ability to love and care for your kids, even without your own mom, shows your resilience. I know it’s hard, and there are battles that others might not see, but please remember: you’re not defined by what you’ve lost. It’s the endless love you keep giving that truly defines you.
If you know a motherless mother, please remember she might not always talk about her loss, but that doesn’t mean the pain and the void isn’t there. And if you’re there for a motherless mother, know that you are appreciated and loved more than she could probably ever tell you.
XOXO
a motherless mother
